Hi friends,

Have you ever been worried about your personal safety or that of a close family member or friend? My daughter and niece just started college and I wanted them to feel confident and safe.

We spent an evening together before school started and reviewed the “pre-incident indicators” taught by Gavin deBecker to help women recognize warning signs that might lead to a violent encounter.

This goes hand in hand with my favorite self-defense rule: Don’t be there!

Recognizing and avoiding dangerous situations is the way to go.

I went through four of the seven warning behaviors in two previous emails and want to share the last three in this one. (If you missed the previous ones, you can read Part 1 and Part 2 on my blog.)

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Dangerous behaviors – Part III

Taught in the book “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin deBecker:

An attacker usually wants to get his victim alone and away from witnesses. To do that, he has to be charming and/or convincing and will often use clusters of these techniques (one isn’t always a danger sign).

When someone uses these techniques to overcome your objections and convince you to do something you’re not comfortable with, be warned!

(List so far: Too many details, Loan Sharking, Unsolicited Promise, Discounting No)

1. Forced Teaming: They imply they have something in common with you, a shared predicament and often use the word “We”.

2. Charm & Niceness: Unlike the scary bad guy from nightmares, an attacker is likely to be charming and nice. How else would he convince you to go with him?

3. Typecasting: Insulting the victim to get her to interact and defend herself from the untrue insult.

Here’s a story describing them, because it’s much more entertaining than a definition. 🙂

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You aren’t fooled by a charming bad guy:

Once upon a time . . . you say goodbye to some friends at a restaurant. As you leave, a cute business man stops for a moment and waits, holding the door open for you. (Loan Sharking/Charm)

He walks to the car just next to yours. As you open your car door, you hear him making frustrated noises. Then he looks around and spots you.

He walks over. “Sorry to bother you, but would you mind if I borrow your phone for a minute? (Charm & Niceness). My keys must have fallen out of my pocket and are somewhere on the floor of my car. I’m usually really careful about that, but I was in a hurry to meet my friends this time and now they’ve all left already. (Too Many Details) You’ve probably locked your keys in the car before, haven’t you?” (Forced Teaming)

You remember a time you did the same, so you dig out your phone and let him use it.

“Thanks! I promise this call will be short and I’ll be out of your hair.” (Unsolicited Promise)

He dials and after a minute, taps at the phone and hands it back to you with a shake of his head. “No answer,” he says with a sigh. “I don’t live that far away. It shouldn’t take long to walk.” He turns away, but stops and looks back at you. “Unless you wouldn’t mind giving me a ride. It’s just about four blocks that way and I promise I’m a nice guy.” (Unsolicited Promise)

“No. Sorry,” you say as mental warnings start to go off. Didn’t that one author lady talk about this kind of stuff?

“It’s not that far, really.” (Discounting No)

You shake your head and get into your car quickly while trying to keep an eye on the man. You keep your phone out in case you need to call for help.

“Whoa,” he says, taking a step back. “I didn’t mean to scare you. There’s no need to get so paranoid. (Typecasting) I was just asking for a short ride. I’ll even sit in the back if it makes you feel safe.” (Still Discounting No)

You don’t say another word, shut and lock your door and drive away.

When you get home, you wonder if you really were being too paranoid . . . until you check your phone. 

He never made a call.

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A bit creepy, huh?

Tips/Homework:

• Give Gavin deBecker’s book a read.
• Practice noticing the PINs listed above in movies, TV and behavior of people around you.
• Take a self-defense class, even a short one at a local community center.
• Be aware of your surroundings
• Listen to your instincts and leave a situation that doesn’t feel right.

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Writing Update:

I ended the month at just over $150 of sales and Kindle Unlimited page reads. Thank you all!

I also decided to do an experiment to share my writing with a new community called Royal Road. Similar to Wattpad, it is an online platform where new authors can post their writing chapter by chapter and get feedback from the community.

I took my first book, Combat Origin out of Kindle Unlimited and will be posting it for free, one chapter a day, on Royal Road, so feel free to pop over and check it out (and be the first to rate and favorite it if you’re feeling generous)

Combat Origin, Book 1, on Royal Road

I just passed the 20k words mark on writing Combat Shift, Book 5 and am still amazed at how much longer it takes to write a book than it does to read it!

Happy reading,

— Misty 🙂